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9. Playing out of turn

This is so benign it should almost be encouraged in the name of pace of play. The exception is stepping in front of a birdie on the tee, in which case, the guilt you feel should lead to a self-sabotaging bogey and loss of hole.

8. Dress code violations

No cargo shorts. No denim. No caps worn backwards. This game has a zillion attire-related rules, many of them rooted in customs so antique and irrational there’s no point trying to make sense of them. Not that you should knowingly flout them. That’s just childish. But if you slip up unintentionally, big deal. The punishment should be no worse than having to buy a belt or being asked politely to tuck in your shirt.

7. Walking in someone’s line

As a practical matter, this is minor. It’s not likely that you’re messing up the trueness of the roll. But it’s still unseemly conduct. It shows that you’re a wild card, capable of worse, or at least so caught up in your own world as to be bad company.

6. Giving unsolicited swing tips

You know how much you like it when your significant other offers unsolicited criticism? Exactly. May you come down with the shanks, Mr. Self-Appointed Pro.

5. Not fixing pitch marks or replacing divots

If you can’t leave the course in as good or better condition as what you found it in, you should simply leave the course.

4. Hitting into someone accidentally

The first rule of medicine is the first rule of golf: do no harm. It can happen but it shouldn’t. Fifty lashes with a swing noodle for you.

3. Not raking bunkers

It’s really such an easy task, and skipping it not only hurts your fellow players, but it makes you look like a jerk. Embrace the art form of a well-raked bunker.

2. Throwing clubs or smashing objects other than golf balls

Embarrassing and dangerous. Next time you par a par-3, you’ll have shot your age.

1. Hitting into someone intentionally

This is no longer in our jurisdiction, as we have now moved from etiquette violations to assault.

NEWSLETTER

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As a guardian of on-course niceties, the Etiquetteist is proud to defend time-honored codes of conduct — but only within reason. 

At some point, even he must draw a line in the meticulously raked bunker sand. 

In the service of common sense, here are 5 unwritten rules that are simply too stuffy, archaic or nonsensical to be held over golfers’ heads. 

Instruction

1. Drinks on you when you make an ace 

It’s a crowning achievement, a cherry on the top of your amateur career. As your reward, every Tom, Dick and Nobody in the clubhouse gets to order top-shelf spirits, and you get a tab with a comma in it. The custom here should be the other way around. 

2. No walking in your partner’s ‘through line’ 

Weekend golfers have many grandiose habits. The same deluded hacker who waits 20 minutes for a green to clear before topping his 3-wood from 350 yards is also apt to ask you not to walk in his “through line” — the line on the opposite side of the cup from where he’s putting. This would be funny if it weren’t so sad. First, unless you’re wearing metal spikes and carrying Shane Lowry on your shoulders, your footprints aren’t going to make the slightest scuff. Second, your playing mate is liable to leave his putt three feet short anyway. 

3. No changing shoes in the parking lot 

Pay no mind to those harrumphing Judge Smails-types who decry this harmless practice as déclassé. They’ve lost perspective. If, on the other hand, you start clipping your toenails, you’ve probably taken it a step too far. 

Lifestyle

4. Hats off to shake hands on the 18th green 

With your putter in one hand and the flagstick in the other, you fumble around to remove your cap, dropping the other objects on the green in the process. And for what? So that the guy you played with can run his paw across his sweaty hat-less brow and give you a clammy shake? Removing your headwear also prevents you from offering the classiest gesture of them all: the hat tip. 

5. No phones  

As much as it might be appealing to ditch your phone for five hours, it’s rarely practical in our digital-mad world. So, as long as you’re not barking at your broker or holding up play, phones should be as acceptable as rangefinders, both on the course and in the clubhouse. But they should also be used in the same way — only when you really need them.   

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But, the pro shop attendant said, there was another range finder that had been in the lost-and-found bin for months.

“Then I’ll take that one, please,” the golfer said.

Did he have the right to it?

Our legal system makes a distinction between lost and abandoned property, and while the letter of the law varies from one jurisdiction to the next, the gist is this: if you misplace a possession and show no interest in recovering it, you’ve abandoned it. It’s up for grabs.

Instruction

The Etiquetteist would argue that a similar ethical rule applies to the pro shop lost-and-found.

If Joe leaves behind a headcover, a ball marker, or a fill-in-your-choice-of-item here, Jane can fairly claim it, assuming that a reasonable amount of time has passed without Joe trying to get the item back.

How much time is reasonable? Reasonable people might disagree (laws on this can vary by jurisdiction, too).

One course operator the Etiquetteist spoke with said that his club usually holds items in its lost-and-found for 30 days before handing them out to a non-original owner, and sometimes longer if the items appear to be of great monetary or sentimental value: a gold-embossed putter, say, or anything pricey-looking or personalized. For obvious reasons, though, items of that kind don’t tend to lie around in lost-and-founds without their owners trying to track them down.

Abandoned possessions are abandoned for a reason. Their owner no longer wants them, or thinks it isn’t worth the hassle trying to get them back. To take possession of such an item isn’t just fair game. The Etiquetteist believes it’s the right thing to do, as it minimizes waste. Better that an object be put to its intended use than to moulder away in a lost-and-found bin or take up space in a landfill. That is not to say that you should make a habit of trolling around lost-and-founds on a hunt for freebies, unless you are a vulture or a sociopath. You’re on more ethically solid ground if you stick to claiming items that are similar to ones you have actually lost.

At the Etiquetteist’s local muni, the man at the check-in counter said he’d lost a range finder. There was no reason not to believe him. And the pro shop attendant did the proper thing: he gave the man a range finder from the lost and found.

Everyone was happy. All seemed right in the world, though of course it won’t be long before the man misplaces that range finder, too.

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Only wanna be with yooooooouuuu? More like you no longer wanna be with him. What to do? Just as there are 50 ways to leave your lover, there must be some sound strategies for dumping your golf partner.

We can think of at least five.

Fake a Bad Back, Jack

Injuries have curtailed countless promising careers. You are just the latest casualty. Or so you tell your pal. Using phrases like “herniation of the C3” and other Gray’s Anatomy-like lingo (from the book, not the TV show!) will lend credibility to your account. If that fails to convince, forge a doctor’s note.

Make a New Plan, Stan

For years, you’ve been playing at the same time every week. But, wouldn’t you know it, suddenly your life-work balance has been altered. Blame it on the new boss. Or the new spouse. You’ll think of something. Urge your buddy to proceed without you. Really. You’ll catch up when you can.

Lifestyle

Bring in Fresh Blood, Bud

Humans are social creatures. They form bonds and pick up cues, even humans as obvious as your buddy. Next time out, invite another golfer or two into the mix, people whose on-course comportment you find more appealing. Maybe your pal will learn by osmosis. Probably not. But it’s worth a try.

Tell it Straight, Nate

Communication is key to any good relationship. And that’s your problem. You’ve been biting your tongue. Sit down with your friend and muster up the courage for a forthright conversation. Tell him everything that bugs you. Things will get awkward, and there’s no guaranteeing where they will go. It’s possible your buddy will really, truly hear you. He might apologize and pledge to change his ways. He might also be offended and say that he never wants to play with you again. Either way, you win.

Take Up a New Sport, Mort

It doesn’t have golf’s grand traditions or musty dress codes. But there’s something to be said for pickleball.

NEWSLETTER

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This was many moons ago, at the American Century Championship, at Edgewood Tahoe Resort, in Nevada. The Etiquetteist remembers because he was in attendance, walking alongside Brown, marveling at the size of the gallery he’d drawn — a large throng of eager autograph-seekers.

Brown was game to sign, just not at the moment. He had a point. There are right and wrong ways to ask for a John Hancock. With another iteration of the celebrity-packed American Century on tap this week, here are 7 rules to follow when you’re asking an A-lister to sign.

1. Get ‘em before or after

Lifestyle

Asking for an autograph mid-tournament isn’t as bad as snapping a photo in a player’s backswing. But it’s discouraged. Aside from distracting the competitors, it slows play. At the American Century, the rules state that spectators aren’t supposed to ask when the players are on the course. The practice green behind 18 is a popular (and approved) spot. It’s also fair game to ask as players are coming off their final green. Most tournaments have designated spots for autograph-seeking. Get those details, and camp out there.

2. Kids first!

Why a mature adult would feel the need (other than for resale purposes) to get the signature of another grownup is a topic better suited for a psychiatrist than the Etiquetteist. The Etiquetteist will say only that the same rule applies as on a sinking ship: youngsters get priority.

3. Limit your items

Not that celebrities need our pity, but they do run the risk of carpal tunnel. Keep your requests to two or three signatures, max. And ideally just one.

4. Don’t double-dip

At the Icons Series golf tournament in New Jersey last week, one of the star athletes in the field dressed down a spectator who’d circled back for a second round of autographs. The signature-seeker was clearly in the memorabilia business, collecting signed merch for resale. Celebrities frown upon this practice. That’s probably not your worry if you’re in that business. But if you’re not, you don’t want to be mistaken for someone who is.

Features

5. Ask politely

Everything you know about asking for an autograph you learned in kindergarten. “Please” and “thank you” go a long way.

6. Don’t interrupt

Celebrities are people, too. If they’re hanging out with friends and family or occupied with business that is cleary none of yours, take a deep breath and let them be.

7. Bring a pen and paper

Unless your mark is John Daly, it’s probably best not to ask them to sign body parts.

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I live near a private club, and I’m friends with a number of its members, so I wind up getting invited out there often. Is there a limit to the number of guest rounds I can play? At some point, it must become poor form, right?

Dear Kevin,

You’ve probably heard of the Jordan Rules, the roughneck style of defense the Detroit Pistons employed against Michael Jordan at the height of his basketball prowess. What you may not know is that there was also a Jordan Rule in golf. It was established by a private club in Chicago, where Jordan played as a frequent guest, reportedly as often as a several times a week.

Because he was Michael Jordan, the members didn’t mind having him around. In fact, they enjoyed it so much that they invited MJ to join. When Jordan declined the offer and wound up joining another private redoubt in the area, the club became less welcoming to him. Its members instituted a Jordan Rule — limiting how often he could play as a guest. Five times a year max, according to one widely circulated account.

Features

When it comes to Jordan stories, details have been known to get embellished. But the broader point is this: Some clubs do place an official limit on the number of times you’re allowed to play as a guest. What is that limit? Four times a year? Six? Twelve? It varies.

But even when there isn’t an explicit limit, there is the question of etiquette. And, as you suspect, Kevin, the unwritten codes of conduct do indeed put a cap on how often you should show your face.

What is that limit?

It varies, too.

Here, the Etiquetteist should confess that he has faced this very question in his own golf life, residing as he does near a beautiful private course where he is friendly with a handful of members, who often extend him kindly invites. Being a conscientious fellow, the Etiquetteist politely declines those offers more often than he accepts them. But he still wonders whether he has said “yes” more often than he should.

Where to draw the line?

The best way to start is through an honest conversation with the person who invites you. The Etiquetteist has had this talk with his member friends and has been told everything from, “Don’t worry about it. If it were a problem, I would let you know” to “As long as you don’t show up more than once a month, it’s fine.” But for the Etiquetteist, that kind of reassurance only goes so far. So, not long ago, after receiving more than one invite within a three-month span, the Etiquetteist reached out directly to the club’s head professional to make sure that if he accepted the offer, he wouldn’t be crossing any lines.

Lifestyle

Was reaching out to the head pro itself poor conduct? Some might argue that it was. But the Etiquetteist doesn’t think so. Better, he believes, to err on the side of clarity and open communication.

Other basic people skills are important, too. How you conduct yourself as a guest will no doubt influence how people feel about your presence. It also helps to know how to read a room. Is anyone at the club giving you the stink eye when you turn up? Is the locker-room attendant shaking his head and muttering to himself, “Not this guy again!” Ultimately, it’s your host’s responsibility to know the club’s guest policies; they’re the ones who’ll get their hands slapped for a violation.

Playing golf where you’re not entirely welcome is no way to experience the game. So, pay attention to social cues. If you pick up any bad vibes, book a tee time instead at a local public course. The greens might not be as good, but your round will be stress-free.

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Conduct unbecoming? Sure. But we’ve seen worse. Because juvenile behavior is bound to happen, here’s a ranking of the 10 most embarrassing ways to vent your frustration on the course.

10. Cursing

A single f-bomb is acceptable if it’s under your breath. But when you swear a long, loud blue streak, you only make an a-hole of yourself.

9. Slamming your bag with your club

This is childish stuff, but we’ll let it slide this once. Do it again, though, and you’re getting a time out.

8. Kicking and slashing bunker sand

Everything you know about golf, you learned in kindergarten. Time to read another self-help book.

7. Kicking the cart

We feel your pain. Worse news is, you probably do, too.

6. Snapping a club

As if hitting a poor shot weren’t punishment enough, you’ve decided to compound your suffering by destroying your own property. You must be someone with more money than sense.

Instruction

5. Blaming your caddie

That was not a bad read. It was a bad stroke. Laying responsibility on your looper says nothing about them and everything about you — none of it good.

4. Quitting mid-round

This is so ridiculous, it’s almost funny. Once we’re finished snickering, we’ll start the paperwork to get you enrolled in the First Tee.

3. Throwing a club

The seriousness of this infraction depends on how and where you launch your projectile. If you’ve endangered others, you should be led away in handcuffs, or at least from the grounds. If you’ve flung it harmlessly into a lake, your offense is mitigated by the fact that you are both hilarious and pathetic.

2. Spitting into the cup

Sergio Garcia did this 15 years ago and it hasn’t been forgotten. Enough said.

1. Slamming your putter into the green

In one of the lower rungs of Dante’s inferno, tortured souls wallow for eternity beneath the fetid waters of the river Styx. This is too good a place for you.

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It’s “Leslie Nielsen’s Stupid Little Golf Book”, a collection of absurdist tips and insights co-authored by the late, great comic actor and Naked Gun star. In addition to wisdom about the grip (“always hold the club at the thin end where that length of rubber stuff is”) and shortcuts for shaving strokes off your score (“skip the last hole”), Nielsen offers guidance on how to drive a cart.

Among his suggestions is a maneuver that he calls the “Quick Start” — a brief, abrupt acceleration of the buggy just as your playing partner is sitting down, the better to impart a mild case of whiplash. He also recommends a tactic known as the “Brusharoo,” which involves piloting the cart so close to trees and hedges that your passenger gets grazed by leaves and limbs.

Lifestyle

Nielsen is kidding, of course. But even in jest, he points at a truth: There is, indeed, a code of conduct surrounding carts — rules of the road, or rather, the path and fairway, that make the game safer and more enjoyable for all.

With that in mind, here are 9 fundamentals you should follow if you are unable or unwilling to walk.

1. The 90-degree rule

Everything you need to know about the 90-degree rule you learned in 7th-grade geometry. Designed to minimize wear and tear on turf, it calls for you to keep the cart on the path until you can turn at a right angle to your ball. Often, it applies on a few holes only, especially if it’s a wet day, not the entire course. The starter can tell you where it’s in effect, though the info might also be written on the scorecard, so consider this your chance to use your 7th-grade listening and reading skills, too.

2. The do-no-harm rule

This is Sunday at the course. Not SUNDAY! SUNDAY at the demolition derby. Driven recklessly, carts can be damaging to courses and dangerous to people. So, be smart and safe. Resist the urge to plow through ropes and stakes. Avoid sopping turf, bunker edges, water hazards, grassy mounds, tee boxes, run-ups to greens and greens themselves. Do not floor it around curves. Refrain from off-roading. Oh, and the rare appearance of on-coming traffic is not an invitation to a game of chicken.

3. The Darwin Award rule

This should go without saying but we’ll say it anyway: Keep your cart out of the line of fire, especially when you’re sitting in it.

4. The pace-of-play rule

One of the paradoxes of the game is that riding is often slower than walking. This is annoying and unnecessary. If it’s cart path only, bring a clutch of clubs with you to your ball, instead of making multiple trips. If you’ve got a passenger, don’t be an idle spectator to their play. Drop them off where they need to be, then move on briskly to your ball so you’re ready to play when it’s your turn.

5. The shotgun-etiquette rule

If you’re the passenger, be alert and active. Take the wheel and bring the cart up when it’s called for. And don’t just sit there watching as your partner plays. This, too, will help keep your round moving.

6. The parking rule

When it’s time to putt, park your cart behind the green. It’s the right thing to do for the group behind you, as it keeps play moving. It also keeps you out of harm’s way.

7. The parking-lot rule

Carts in parking lots are accidents waiting to happen. Unless you’re physically incapable of carrying your clubs a few hundred paces, don’t rely on your buggy to make the short trip between the bag drop and your car.

8. The cart-in-reverse rule

Before shifting your cart into reverse, take care than no one is playing within earshot, as most buggies backing up make a beeping noise that is even more annoying than hollers of “You da man!”

9. The no-littering rule

A cart is not a dumpster. Or a lost and found. When your day is done, collect all head covers from the rear baskets, and clear the cupholders of beer cans and Snickers wrappers. And don’t forget your phone and sunglasses.

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The post This country makes golfers take a rules and etiquette exam. Can you pass it? appeared first on Golf.

On the course. On the range. In a simulator.

Or you could take a written exam.

In some countries, it’s required if you want to carry an official handicap.

Take the Netherlands, where the Netherlands Golf Federation administers the Volledig Golfregelexamen, or Full Golf Rules Exam.

Rules

As interrogations go, it’s not a torturous grilling. But it takes a bit of time and involves more mental effort than a tap-in. The test consists of 30 multiple-choice questions, 19 about the Rules of Golf and one about the Stableford format (a popular scoring system overseas). The other 10 deal with etiquette. Answer eight or more of the 30 questions incorrectly, and, sorry, you fail — with the option of a Mulligan at a late date.

How would you fare on the Volledig Golfregelexamen?

Below, you’ll find 13 questions from a sample test, translated from Dutch by our friend Google and edited for clarity.

1. Your stroke has created a pitch mark on the green. How many pitch marks do you repair?

A. Only your own pitch mark
B. Your own and one more
C. As many pitch marks as possible

2. Where do you record the score for a hole?

A. On the green of that hole
B. At the next turning point or on the way there

3. Are you allowed to move or talk when your fellow player hits?

A. Yes
B. No

Rules

4. Are you allowed to walk with your pushcart between the bunker and the green?

A. Yes
B. No

5. Your ball is in the bunker and you are going to hit it out of it. From which side do you enter the bunker?

A. From the low side
B. From the high side
C. Doesn’t matter

6. Your ball threatens to hit a player. What should you yell to warn her?

A. “Watch out!”
B. “Fore!”
C. “Come on!”

7. You don’t have to wait to hit when the greenkeeper is mowing. He’ll see you anyway.

A. True
B. False

8. After a bunker shot, you have to rake the bunker.

A. Yes
B. No

Rules

9. You are expected to wait until all playing partners have holed out before walking to the next hole.

A. Yes
B. No

10. Your fellow player has hit a ball in the bushes. It’s good etiquette to help him find it.

A. Yes
B. No

11. You knock a divot out of the fairway. Who should put the sod back?

A. Nobody
B. You
C. Your marker
D. The greenkeeper

12. Your group is looking for your ball. You have not hit a provisional and there is space in front of your group. The next group is waiting at the tee box. When will you let this waiting group through?

A. Immediately
B. After 1 minute of searching
C. After 3 minutes of searching

13. What should you do if you notice that the group behind you is playing faster than yours?

A. Just keep playing
B. Let the trailing group pass
C. Ask the trailing group to keep more distance

Answers: 

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The course wanted that relief to occur in restrooms only.

“Don’t get caught with your pants down!!” read the notice, which warned that anyone treating the property as an outdoor urinal would be prosecuted.

The tweet triggered a torrent of laughing-face emojis.

But in the halls of Etiquetteist HQ, it was cause for reflection.

What’s the etiquette around this form of on-course irrigation?

If no indoor facility is readily available, is it acceptable to employ your personal sprinkler system?

In most municipalities, doing so in public is considered a public nuisance, and it can carry misdemeanor charges. But few courses make a stink about it. Some even invite the practice with good cheer.

Lifestyle

“Please, help yourself to any tree!” the member at a prestigious club once told The Etiquetteist, with the welcoming wave of a restaurateur directing a customer toward the buffet.

Note: The Etiquetteist had inquired about club policies before letting fly. That’s obligatory at a private course, no different than educating yourself on the dress code before showing up on the first tee. The polite way to phrase your question is by asking where you might find the nearest restroom. In most cases, your host will tell you that any oak or pine will do. But should they say, “There’s one at the turn,” that’s your cue that you should wait.

No matter where you are, abide by common sense: never into the wind, never in the corridors of play (no matter how good the drainage) and always as discreetly as possible. Try to stay out of view. Don’t make a scene. Hold off on commentary before and after. As with intimate relations between grandparents, everybody knows that these things happen from time to time, but no one needs to hear about them.

Oh, and not in someone’s yard. The entire world is not your oyster, or your outhouse. The golden rule applies here, in more ways than one.

Lifestyle

Otherwise, though, there aren’t many strictures.

Given the preponderance of aging prostates in the game, golf’s relatively lax stance on this unsurprising. But it’s not gender specific. The same degree of forgiveness applies to women, too. Want to be like the guys, ladies? Have at it.

That said, The Etiquetteist has a female golf pal who would never take advantage of this kind of freedom. She regards it as unhygienic. In her view, in fact, the only disagreeable part of playing golf with guys is having to shake hands on the 18th, knowing what has transpired during the round. It’s a valid point, and it brings up another etiquette commandment: Along with a towel, some tees and an extra sleeve of balls, pack your bag with a tube of Purell.

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